Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Emotional Eating

I am going to keep this short...I just want to share something right now. I lost a friend today, she wasn't a very close friend but this has hit me hard. She was too young...I am a mess. I have always been such an emotional eater, when I binge I don't feel anything, it is an easy way to numb out. Right now I just want to binge so I can stop crying. The old me would have binged till I threw up and then binged some more. This is hard, this is so very hard.

Update.. I did not binge! :D I went in the kitchen cut up two oranges and I ate them ever so slowly... it was enough. And this is even more huge because I literally have a car full of girl scout cookies right now so the face that I went for a fresh piece of fruit is a miracle in itself.. sometimes it is the little battles that are the hardest. If you have never struggled with binge emotional eating you will not get it but I am pretty damn proud of myself today... I ate healthy I am feeling much better (thanks for some kind word from some of you who read this.) And I don't really have time to blog today but over all I did awesome.. egg white english muffin sandwich for breakfast, subway for lunch and chicken and salad for supper tonight... go me! ;-P

Monday, February 27, 2012

What a healthy weekend---- yeah right!

My workout this morning should have been balls to the wall, I should have gone for 3 hours to make up for this weekend. It only lasted an hour. I did work the heck out of my legs but cardio... I was dragging ass so bad...I only did 20 min on the elliptical :/

This weekend was NOT good as far as food... lets see, on friday I had a plan to precook this weeks lunch, that didn't happen AND I forgot I had the chicken in the sink to thaw and I left it over night so on top of NOT cooking lunch for the week I also had to throw away $10 worth of chicken breast!! On Sat we had a girl scout function so... we ate lunch out, then we munched all afternoon (girl scout thinking day so we had to taste test foods from all of the countries) that night I did dinner out with girlfriends (pizza) that turned into a girls night so there was a little drinking (I HATE HATE HATE drinking calories!!!) anyway oh and that ended at whataburger 2 A.M. I ate a bacon cheese burger and a few fries. But wait, there is more.. on Sunday we had pizza for dinner and I ate that and 2 bread sticks....

I try to live by a 3 bite rule, I obviously did not this weekend!! So I am going to have to work extra hard this week to not gain. Sucks because I haven't lost anything the last few weeks... this is very frustrating!! But the reality is all I can do now is work to burn off the extra calories that I took in. So that is what I will do!

Sitting in my kitchen sink is more chicken breast, I hope to make my lunches once that thaws out. I have a girl scout meeting to prepare for, cookies to deliver and school to get done so here is hoping that today turns out healthy in spite of the chaos!!

Friday, February 24, 2012

My food for the week

I get questions about what food I eat a lot. So I thought I would start posting my meal plans on here. I have NO training in this! This is what I came up with after talking to my doctor, nutritionist and trainer, that mixed with what I like to eat. Some weeks is better than others, it just depends on what kind of week I have ahead.

First I need to explain dinners.
Dinners I make what the family is going to eat and I try to eat smaller portions if it isn't the healthiest. Or take a little protein and salad. I really only plan out breakfast lunch and snacks with my meal plan.
So this week here is what I will be eating...

Sat~ English muffin sandwich (1 Egg, 1 slice cheese, 1 English muffin)
Sun~ English muffin sandwich
Mon~ Steal cut oats, sugar free maple syrup 1 egg (poached, boiled or scrambled)
Tues~ Omelet (2 egg whites, 1 whole egg, sauteed onions and peppers, 1 slice ham diced, and feta cheese)
Wed~ Steal cut oats, 1/4 cup canned pumpkin, sugar free syrup
Thur~ Coffee protein shake (piano day, so I need a fast breakfast that I can eat on the go)
Fri~ Omelet

I precook lunch for the week, sounds difficult but it isn't. I keep it right about 300 calories per lunch. This week I will roast 1 bag of mixed veggies, and 2 bags of broccoli and that will be split up to 7 containers. I think this week we will do mini chicken meatloaves I cook them in muffin pans to keep them the same size.. I will post the recipe when I make them later this weekend. They are high in fiber and actually pretty tasty! (for being meatloaf ;)


Coffee protein shake (1 coffee mugs worth of cold coffee, 1 scoop protein powder (chocolate is what I like) ice, blend up and it is better than any overpriced chocolate coffee drink ;)

sunflower seeds (I buy the box of small bags and one bag will usually get me through the day they are so salty)

cocoa roasted almonds (my FAV snack these days!)

And for those hormonal days when I feel like I can't stop eating I try to always keep sugar free jello in the pantry, I can eat a HUGE amount for very little calories because sometimes more is just more when you are a recovering emotional eater!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

4 A.M.

Some mornings my alarm goes off at 4 a.m. and I feel like a perky blond cheerleader with fake boobs has taken over my body and I am ready to hit the gym and have a "GREAT WORKOUT!"... other mornings I feel like that perky blond threw me into oncoming traffic...this morning was the latter. I wanted to throw my phone across the room and go back to sleep. I huffed and puffed a bit, cursed a little, looked at my husband with sheer disdain because he was sleeping so peacefully and it didn't seem fair at all. Then I drug my ass out of bed. I put what seemed like half a bottle of eye drops in my bloodshot eyes, brushed my teeth and put on my uniform (yes, I actually wear a "uniform" to the gym I will explain another day when I am not bitching about getting up so damn early).

I got to the gym, I did an hour of cardio I hit the weight room and did my chest and back workout and now I can go through the rest of my day knowing that I did right by myself. That I did something good for my body, for my health. I feel far better than I would have if I had slept in, if I had made the choice that I wasn't important enough to get up for.

So why 4 a.m.? When I started this journey I knew I needed more than a "desire" to workout,a "desire" to be fit. The last few years I had wanted to workout, I had thought about it, bought videos, treadmills, an elliptical, ab lounge, power glides.. you get the idea right?!? But I never stuck to anything. Things, life would come up and I would tell myself I would do it tomorrow. Problem is tomorrow never came and I ended up with type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. So when I made this commitment to myself I knew I needed to put myself on a schedule...at 4 am no one needs me, I can get ready, get to the gym, have a 2 hour work out and get back home before I have any responsibility to anyone else. If I miss my workout, it is because I decided that it wasn't worth taking care of myself...and that isn't an option for me anymore. I have discovered I kind of like myself, I'm a pretty cool chick and if I am going to do laundry, make food, run errands ect... for everyone else in my life, then damnit I better get off of my ass and make time to take care of Julie too! That is why my dreadful alarm is set for 4. There have been a handful of days in the last year and a half where I didn't drag myself out of bed and I regretted it, the feeling of letting myself down sucks so I work very hard not to.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Lets do this thing!

It has been suggested to me by a few friends now that I should blog this journey of mine...I wasn't sure if it was a great idea, it can make you very vulnerable to put these kinds of struggles out for the world to see. If my journey, struggles, achievements and even failures can help someone out there who is struggling with this then it is all good. I suppose for those of you who are not friends of mine yet I should start at the beginning....well a concentrated version of it I will elaborate on it later I am sure ;)
This was me... on a good day when I had spent hours on my makeup and hair, wearing one of the most dreadful undergarments that suck you in, you all know what I am talking about and if you don't this might not be a blog that you will understand, or enjoy.
I worked out before I got on the scale I was too scared to see what it said. But when I had lost a bit and I finally got on the scale the number was just under 220. I wish I had stepped on the scale earlier I didn't get to celebrate what I had lost because I didn't know where I had started. So if you are starting this journey I would suggest, as scary as it is, step on the scale, measure your body and take pictures of you. There were very few pictures of me at this weight, I hated being in front of the camera, but when you get to where you are going it is awesome to be able to see where you started!

Below is me now, I still have a ways to go, (the dress hides a tummy and the jacket hides the arm flab) there are still days I hate food for having such control over me, it is still a struggle for me, some days more than others but I have learned that it is a struggle that is very worth while.