Missing my workouts

So last week the stress of this year (thus far) caught up with me...two separate ER trips and my butt on the couch for over a week. You would think that after not being able to eat anything for 4 days that stupid scale would have moved but alas, nothing.

It was far too long of a break from the gym. I desperately missed my workouts!! WOW,  hang on, let me let that sit on my tongue for a bit... if someone would have told me a few years ago that would come out of my mouth I would have never believed it. At any rate, I did.. I really missed it. And getting back in the gym today kicked my butt!! I felt a bit like I was going to pass out and puke (I did neither) I listened to my body... walked outside for about 10 minutes between my weights and my cardio and evaluated if I could safely push myself today. I did... only for 20 minutes on my cardio machine but I stuck out what I could... and tomorrow I am sure it will kick my butt again. It seems when I miss any more than a day or two it takes so long to get back into the swing of things.

I find with all of the stress these days my diet/meal planning is NOT what it should be.. it is hard to keep on track. At this moment, we are in the process of finding our first home, planning for military retirement, my oldest is about to graduate high school... and then there is just the normal stresses (I will spare you this vent)  today I ate nearly a whole bag of BBQ chips.. very healthy indeed!! I NEED to get this back on track...the only way I know how to do that is to start planning/tracking my meals/snacks out again shopping regularly.

And when I hear "Chicken Again?!?" or "Salad?!?" I need to start duct taping mouths closed so I don't feel the guilt of feeding my family boring food and end up buying pizza. The truth is a low fat high protein meal IS the right choice for everyone in my family.... it is the healthy choice and I want that for my Family. No one other than myself is overweight in my family, that doesn't mean we don't all need to eat/live healthy. I lived my whole youth on a forced diet so when I hear things like this I start to feel like I am going to mess them up. I start feeling  like I need to go buy nachos, and junk food so they don't end up as screwed up as I am about food. It is a hard thing because at the same time I want them to be healthy, I want them to have the knowledge of how to take care of the bodies they have, not so they look a certain way, but so they feel healthy, they feel like they are their best selves. It is the little devil and angel on the shoulder... my devil is a fat little bastard holding a big ol chocolate cake and something fried and the angel is healthy and fit and in the moment, sad to say, I feel like I am punishing my family by making them eat chicken breast and green beans...and I give in to the little devil.

Balance... that is what this is all about and I find that just when I think I have got it, something comes and throws me off balance. So I have just come to the understanding that I am forever going to have to re balance, it will get screwy from time to time.... that is life I guess. So this week I will try to start my re balance. I found this picture and I thought it was quite appropriate for this post.

The pre summer break chaos

This time of year a few things always sound good to me.. nice big salads, light grilled dinners, fruit, cool fresh cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers...but the last few weeks for a few reasons we have been running around like chickens with our heads cut off... so instead of the healthy grilled chicken and salad that I am actually craving I have settled for $5 hot and ready pizzas because they were faster...usually if I know a week is going to be stressful I will try to pre cook over the weekend. But even the last few weekends have been so packed... There is NO excuse not to eat healthy, there really isn't but I make excuses and some how justify running 5-10 minutes one way to pick up pizzas (that would be 25-30 minutes total right?!?) when I could throw a chicken breast in some aluminum foil, set the oven to 400 and have a healthy, less expensive, much tastier meal in the same amount of time.

Yesterday I went to the store with the mind set that this week is gonna be crazy and I really need the scale to move! (I feel a bit like I am spinning my wheels lately.) I bought chicken breast, mixed veggies, and plenty of foil so when I am feeling the fast food for dinner pressure I can make a healthier/tastier alternative. With as little clean up as tossing out a pizza box ;)

What is it about numbers that get us so worked up?

I went shopping yesterday...I rarely go shopping for clothes where I don't feel defeated. I love that I can shop in the "normal" stores but yet when I am in these "normal" stores I am still obsessed about what number is on the tag... what sizes I think should fit but don't. I was in tears yesterday while I was out shopping for a pair of shorts... I am apple shaped, I carry all of my weight around my middle so the size that fits my butt and hips doesn't fit my middle and visa versa... I get a lot of slack for wearing my jeans/ shorts too tight.. the truth is if they are going to fit me they have to be stretch.. that means yes, they are going to hug my butt, thighs...anyway... I let this shopping trip ruin my day. I went to bed feeling defeated...like a failure. I woke up feeling the same way.

But when I was at the gym this morning I realized something... something that in this moment makes me feel a little better (I can not promise that the next time I go looking for clothes I am not still going to break down because something doesn't fit) Here are a few numbers that remind me of how awesome I am! ;-p I hope one day these numbers scream louder in my head than the ones that I beat myself up over!

60           Number of pounds lost (that I have been able to track)
60-120    Number of minutes that I work out 5 days a week (not counting weekends)
150         Number of pounds I leg press 5 sets of 20, 3 days a week (this number makes me feel a
                bit like a bad ass! ;)
48           Number of lunges I do 3 days a week
2             Days a week that I workout  the free weight room
                (a room that I was terrified of just a few months ago) 
4.3          My A1C  a number that was at 9 when I was diagnosed with diabetes



So the next time I get caught up in the numbers on the tag I hope I can remember these numbers. Oh wait there is one more very important one...

35        The age I was when I got my wake up call and changed my life!

I like the way THESE numbers make me feel!