Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Finally settled(ish)

Getting settled into our new home has taken me away from here for a while. I have still been steady at the gym 5 days a week, but eating more junk then I should. I didn't mean to stay away so long I just haven't had the time to pull my laptop out before now.

I hate how much junk I have been putting in my body lately.. it seems as soon as I see the scale move in the right direction, life throws me a curve ball and I start rushing my food again...planning is the only way I stay on track if I don't plan I will fail.

I am about due for my blood work again, they make me do it even though I reversed my type 2 diabetes just to make sure I am keeping up... when ever this time comes around I freak out.. what if... what if it came back? What if I am sick again because I let myself get off track? Have I still been doing the right thing to keep it away? If it comes back bad how will I deal.. will I lose it? Anger started this process for me, getting angry because I was told I couldn't fix it.. but that anger is not a good thing to carry around. I am putting off the labs for about two months cause I can, I know that this fear and anxiety is stressful but it might be enough to pull me out of my eating slump.

I eat every 3 hours.. even if I am not hungry, I eat the right stuff. I even have little alarms set to remind me to eat.. shouldn't be hard for a less than thin girl to remember to eat but it is.. and after I go for too long without eating I grab anything. That is where all the crap is adding up. I feel better when I eat right, but it is hard to keep up with. It is actually crazy huh that eating turned into work when it use to be so simple I would eat anything and everything in site. :/

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