Tonight at the gym I saw the most beautiful body I've ever seen in person...it motivated me and broke my heart at the same time. I know it isn't about what u look like, but it just breaks my heart that I abused my body for so long...I see this beautiful woman and I know that no matter how hard I work I'll never get to where she is. I can build my muscle but I've abused my body for so long that I'll always have extra skin where I don't want it, I'll always have the reminder of my failure  for the first 35 years of my life :/ This isn't a pity party (I know it sounds like it) I'm ok with this, my goal isn't to be that perfect woman in the gym, my goal is to be the absolute best me I can be. But I wish I could go back to my teenage self and clue her in. I wish I could tell get how amazing healthy feels....I can't change my past life, I can encourage a healthy lifestyle for my children, I can share my story, my journey and maybe plant a seed, I can change my future, and hopefully one day come to terms with my past. And tomorrow morning I can (and will) get my ass to the gym and give it all I've got to get one step closer to my goal! :D