Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Missing my workouts

So last week the stress of this year (thus far) caught up with me...two separate ER trips and my butt on the couch for over a week. You would think that after not being able to eat anything for 4 days that stupid scale would have moved but alas, nothing.

It was far too long of a break from the gym. I desperately missed my workouts!! WOW,  hang on, let me let that sit on my tongue for a bit... if someone would have told me a few years ago that would come out of my mouth I would have never believed it. At any rate, I did.. I really missed it. And getting back in the gym today kicked my butt!! I felt a bit like I was going to pass out and puke (I did neither) I listened to my body... walked outside for about 10 minutes between my weights and my cardio and evaluated if I could safely push myself today. I did... only for 20 minutes on my cardio machine but I stuck out what I could... and tomorrow I am sure it will kick my butt again. It seems when I miss any more than a day or two it takes so long to get back into the swing of things.

I find with all of the stress these days my diet/meal planning is NOT what it should be.. it is hard to keep on track. At this moment, we are in the process of finding our first home, planning for military retirement, my oldest is about to graduate high school... and then there is just the normal stresses (I will spare you this vent)  today I ate nearly a whole bag of BBQ chips.. very healthy indeed!! I NEED to get this back on track...the only way I know how to do that is to start planning/tracking my meals/snacks out again shopping regularly.

And when I hear "Chicken Again?!?" or "Salad?!?" I need to start duct taping mouths closed so I don't feel the guilt of feeding my family boring food and end up buying pizza. The truth is a low fat high protein meal IS the right choice for everyone in my family.... it is the healthy choice and I want that for my Family. No one other than myself is overweight in my family, that doesn't mean we don't all need to eat/live healthy. I lived my whole youth on a forced diet so when I hear things like this I start to feel like I am going to mess them up. I start feeling  like I need to go buy nachos, and junk food so they don't end up as screwed up as I am about food. It is a hard thing because at the same time I want them to be healthy, I want them to have the knowledge of how to take care of the bodies they have, not so they look a certain way, but so they feel healthy, they feel like they are their best selves. It is the little devil and angel on the shoulder... my devil is a fat little bastard holding a big ol chocolate cake and something fried and the angel is healthy and fit and in the moment, sad to say, I feel like I am punishing my family by making them eat chicken breast and green beans...and I give in to the little devil.

Balance... that is what this is all about and I find that just when I think I have got it, something comes and throws me off balance. So I have just come to the understanding that I am forever going to have to re balance, it will get screwy from time to time.... that is life I guess. So this week I will try to start my re balance. I found this picture and I thought it was quite appropriate for this post.

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